


James Potter, Sirius Black and how to dance appropriately

by onlydance



Series: onlydance's Harry Potter works [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Crack, Fluff, Funny, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Multi, No Angst, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28652769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlydance/pseuds/onlydance
Summary: based on 'Principal's Office - grinding at the school dance' on youtube-When Dumbledore organises a school ball, Professor McGonagall has to make sure it all runs smoothly. To ensure nothing inappropriate happens headmaster Dumbledore suggests she enlist the help of the school's trouble makers; James Potter and Sirius Black.
Relationships: Minerva McGonagall & James Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Minerva McGonagall
Series: onlydance's Harry Potter works [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040029
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	James Potter, Sirius Black and how to dance appropriately

**Author's Note:**

> When I saw [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFAGUAl8lxE) video I just knew it was peak Sirius Black and James Potter dynamics. So I decided to write it. 
> 
> Everybody needs to watch the video okay, it's far better than I could ever write, but I hope you all like it.

Professor McGonagall was a very respectable woman. She had once graduated with top marks in all of her classes. She had personally been asked by the  _ minister of magic _ to come work for the ministry and while she believed most of her colleagues at the time to be completely incapable of doing their job, she’d learned a lot.

Her return to Hogwarts to work under her mentor Albus Dumbledore proved to be the best thing for her. She had helped defeat Grindelwald for Merlin’s sake, she had become an animagus when she was just 17 years old, following all the rules, even though they were stupid. She had written books and reports and spells to improve her field. 

  
But nothing could prepare Minerva McGonagall for the absolute hell she was forced to endure when Dumbledore chose to throw a ball in the great hall. 

All her protesting, saying there was a war going on, telling him that some students couldn’t pay for dress robes, promising that half of Hogwarts would end up black out drunk because some pranksters spiked the punch, didn’t do anything to change his mind, it just made his eyes twinkle as he tried his best not to smile. Sometimes, Minerva thought he just liked the chaos of it all.

And now she sat in her office with Sirius Black and James Potter, looking sternly over the rim of her glasses as she poured the both of them a cup of tea. 

“Do either of you know why I’ve called you in here?” She asked, sliding over the two cups.

Sirius Black picked up his cup all good and proper, his pinky sticking out, he raised the cup to his face to take a sip and quickly realised it was far too hot. 

“It might be because of the dance,” James guessed. 

The Professor looked quite pleased. “Precisely,” she picked up her own cup and took a sip. “Why do you think I’ve called upon you two rather than somebody else?”

James raised his wand from under the table and pointed it at their tea cups, trying but failing to hide it from McGonagall, she didn’t say anything about it. “It is because you two have positions of leadership in Gryffindor house,” Sirius seemed to let out a sigh of relief. 

  
The Gryffindor prefect lifted his cup to his face and took a quick sip. “No offense, professor, but Sirius isn’t a prefect  _ or _ quidditch captain- he doesn’t really  _ do _ anything,” Sirius glared at him.

“Unfortunately,” McGonagall told them. “Younger students seem to idolise you both, your status as quidditch captain, Mr. Potter, might add to it, but it seems that you two are quite popular.” she pulled a face. “Mr. Black is especially popular amongst the girls,”

Sirius began to laugh awkwardly and turned to James with wide eyes. “I’ve been told that there could be a problem of  _ inappropriate _ behaviour at the ball- specifically dancing,” She gave the pair a stern look and both of them seemed to sit up straight.

“The pair of you have leadership positions with the students and whatever you will do- they will follow, understand?” They both nodded. “I wanted to-” she cut herself off, Dumbledore had told her to. “That’s why I have to talk to the both of you to stop any inappropriate, sexual, close contact dancing before it can happen,” The two boys locked eyes and grinned.

“Well, what’s too close in this situation?” James raised his hand to Sirius’ shoulder. “Is this too close?”

McGonagall sighed. “No it is not,” 

“What about-” James started, bringing his hand to his best friend’s thigh. “What about that?”

“That is more- that is not acceptable,”

“How-” Sirius cut her off. “How about this?” He raised his other hand to James’ chest, grasping his pec. 

McGonagall brought her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. “That is inappropriate,” she said. “incredibly so,” 

  
James clutched the hand Sirius had to his chest, while Sirius grabbed his hand on his thigh.

“That?” Sirius scoffed. “James is a boy,”

“We’re amongst men,” James added.

“There’s nothing here except muscle,” Sirius looked towards James with an impressed look on his face. “Rock hard muscle,”

The professor sighed. “When you’re dancing, with a member of the-”   
  


“Okay- so we’re dancing,” Sirius stood up, he dragged James up with him. 

“What do you want me to do?” James asked.

Sirius stood besides him. “You be the boy-” he turned to his professor. “Say, we’re at the ball,” he stood in front of James with a few inches between them. “Is this too close?”

  
“You’re not touching, so I’d say it’s alright,”

“We’re not touching- yes, but what if he-” James began.

“If I were to bend over-” Sirius bent over demonstratively, his butt pointing towards James.

McGonagall closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That is the type of dancing that is not acceptable,”

“What if I was just tying my shoes- these are trainers, they’ve got laces- I’m just tying my shoe,” Sirius asked. 

Behind him James nodded. “and I just so happen to be standing behind him- stretching,”

McGonagall shot them a glare.

“I’m just tying my shoe,” Sirius argued. “And he’s just stretching, that’s not a big deal,”

Their head of house shook her head. “This has nothing to do with the subject at hand, you both are completely off task,”

“No we’re not,” They said simultaneously.

“This is about the dance,” James argued.

  
“We’re trying to prove a point,” Sirius added.

  
She looked at them. “This has nothing to do with-”

Sirius turned around to face James and grabbed a hold of his waist, as James raised his arms to his best friend’s shoulders. “No but, what if we were dancing and we were this close?” James asked, not a single millimeter of space between them. 

“Then it’s not appropriate,” 

Sirius looked down and back towards McGonagall. “This isn’t appropriate?”

“There needs to be space between you,”

The boys slowly began to shuffle around, dancing to non existent music. “We’re just doing this,”

“You’re not- you’re touching body parts, plural,”

“Look at this,” Sirius said, still dancing with James. “This is so appropriate right now, it’s never been more appropriate.”

They paused in front of McGonagall, bodies pressed tightly together, heads turned sidewards to face her. “Look at us,” James said. “Now we could even pose for a picture,”

“Do you want us to be a whole meter stick away?” James grabbed Sirius’ hands and they both stepped backwards, leaving a huge gap between them. 

“That’s not what I’m asking-”

They stepped closer again, James placing his hands on Sirius’ lower back, there was a small space between them. “If we were this close-” Sirius said. “But we’re not touching right now, is that inappropriate?”

“No,” McGonagall told them. “If you’re not touching body- certain body parts, it’s acceptable-”

“I am touching  _ his butt!" _ James interrupted her loudly. 

“He’s touching my butt,” Sirius pointed at James’ hands. 

  
The witch wanted desperately to turn them both into pebbles and throw them into the forbidden forest. They were troublemakers first class and nothing she’d tried in the past 6 years had done anything to change that.

“You should not be doing that-”

“You didn’t see that did you?” Sirius grinned, he raised his index finger and middle finger to his own eyes and then pointed them at his professor’s face.

“She didn’t see it!” James yelled out in glee.

“I-” she shook her head. “Sit down,”   
  
Their matching grins disappeared and they sat down instantly.

“I can’t defend this behaviour- not parents, not your peers, not anyone,” at the mention of parents Sirius seemed to be inspired rather than told off. “So I’m asking you both, how do we make sure this doesn’t happen at the ball?”

“Maybe we could demonstrate what is appropriate and what’s not,” James suggested. “We could show them pictures,”

McGonagall took a sip of her tea and mulled the idea over. “I do think that’s an option, we could take pictures of the wrong sort of dancing and show them that, perhaps one of you would volunteer,”

Sirius frowned. “You would want us to do dance inappropriately, with each other?”

The professor blinked. “No- no that’s not what-”

“I don’t do that-” James told her.

“He’s my brother-”

“I don’t swing that way-”

She interrupted their protests. “Just a normal dance situation,”

Sirius looked put down. “With a girl?”

“Yes,”

“A female,” he said. “girl?”

“Yes,”

James looked at him and attempted to hold in his laugh. Sirius began to laugh as well. “Sure,”

James couldn’t hold it in anymore and broke out into laughter. Minerva could barely understand a single word he was saying.

“Hey!” Sirius said, offended. “I’m- I’m comfortable with myself, I don’t know about you-”

“I’m comfortable with myself,” James said loudly. “I’m comfortable,”

McGonagall paused. “I’d say you both understand very- well- have you got anything to say to me before you go?”

It went silent. 

  
“I love you?” Sirius shrugged.

“I like your hair,” James said.

McGonagall took another deep, deep breath. “I think we’re done,” she pointed her wand at the door. “Please get back to your other school work,” The boys didn’t move, they just grabbed their tea cups and took slow sips.

“Get out,” McGonagall yelled after a silent 5 seconds. Sirius took a final gulp of his tea and got up out of his seat. James shot her a grin, he pulled up his friend.

“See you in class, professor,” James told her and dragged Sirius behind him.

“I love you very much!”

  
McGonagall heard the boys just outside the doorway. “I swear to god, if you dance  _ inappropriately _ with Moony you two are going to sleep outside for the rest of the winter,”

“Beats sharing a room with you,”

“Says you,” James said loudly, “When’s the last time you washed your socks, Sirius? Fucking 1964?”

“No actually, your mum washes them for me-”   
  


“Of course she does- you live with us,”

Professor McGonagall was a very respectable woman and that’s why she would deny it at every turn that she was smiling as she heard her students’ bickering slowly growing louder, despite them moving further away from her door. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you liked it please don't refrain from leaving kudos or comments!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
